Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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