my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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