i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
