Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
