well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
