I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
