Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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