i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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