We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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