come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
