I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
