and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
