I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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