I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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