i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
