I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
