that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
