**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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