she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
