i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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