well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
