they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
