I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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