No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
