The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
