All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
