dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
