every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
