And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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