I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
