You're my little dorito
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We need to get me chipped asap
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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