ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
