Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
