Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There r osticjed everywhere
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
