You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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