wanna go halves on a baby?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
