shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
