Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
babies were throwing up all over the place
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
