I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
