Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
