I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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