i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
