I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
