Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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