Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize