Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
