can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
