I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
