That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
