do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
