May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
