remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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