Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
