I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
