It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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