I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
