I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
