Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
