Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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