you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
