I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
