does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
