Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
